No Parking Signs
The folks in Sunset Beach are having a problem with beach visitors parking their cars all over the neighborhood, blocking driveways, streets and fire hydrants. One proposal calls for issuing resident-only parking passes and littering the landscape with all sorts of “No Parking” signs as an effort to keep visiting beach goers (mostly young and driving over amplified compact cars) from parking in the front yards of residents.
Being a former Sunset Beach resident, I understand the parking problems that have plagued that neighborhood since Henry Ford rolled out the first Model T. However, parking restrictions means parking signs explaining the restrictions and people like me are going to have to try and comprehend what the sign is trying to tell us. However, I am parking sign-challenged and find it almost impossible to figure out what the creator of a parking sign is trying to explain about what is legal or illegal when parking on the street where the signs appear.
Now, I’m sure you are asking yourself what kind of idiot can’t figure out what “No Parking” means. Well, it’s not the “No Parking” that gets me. It’s when they add extra words like, “Anytime.” I get the “No Parking” but not the “Anytime.” If I ask you to stop by my house “anytime” that means when you get around to it, stop by. But if I ask you to stop by my house at 1:00 p.m., it means for you to stop by at the designated time, not “anytime,” but a particular time. If I want to park at 1:00 p.m., that’s not “anytime,” it’s 1:00 p.m., a particular time. The parking sign indicates, “No Parking Anytime,” not “No Parking at a Particular Time.” It makes perfect sense to me. It didn’t make perfect sense to the traffic court judge who said, “Guilty, pay the clerk,” upon hearing my theory.
It’s bad enough I don’t get the “Anytime,” but when signs indicate I can’t park between certain hours, on certain days of the week, on holidays or during certain months, I become really confused. I once pulled up to a parking sign indicating, “No Parking Between 9:00 a.m. and 9:00 p.m., except on weekends and holidays between April and September,” and sat in my car from April to September trying to decide if I could park there or not. The good folks who live on the street where I was trying to park brought food and water to keep me alive while I tried to figure out what to do. I barely have a grasp on day and night much less knowing what time it is or what day of the week it is or if it is one of the more than 30 recognized holidays or even what month it is. Asking me to pinpoint the exact moment in time causes all sorts of cranium overloads. This all is due to the fact I suffer from delayed stress syndrome originating from college the day I discovered Captain Kangaroo was neither an actual captain nor kangaroo.
Yes, I have a clock in the dashboard of my car. Unfortunately, it was set by the dealer when I bought the car and I don’t remember if it was set to daylight savings time or not which means it may be an hour ahead, an hour behind or right on the clock. This results in one out of three chances of knowing the correct time when I pull up to a parking sign indicating time restrictions.
And yes, I have a couple of calendars around but they are attached to my refrigerator that is somewhat cumbersome to carry around in my car. Anyway, it seems that if I’m not sure what time it is, knowing what day of the week or what month it is, doesn’t much matter.
I think we should have “No Parking Over There” signs. Then I could pull up to the “No Parking Sign” and park because I’m “there” at the sign and not “over there” away from the sign where I can’t. It makes perfect sense to me. Instead of stopping, getting out of my car and trying to understand some lawyer-inspired jargon painted on a parking sign, I could just pull up to the sign and park because I’m “here” and not “over there.”
You can contact Gary at: gbecker@tibeachbums.com
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